I'm going to shove the game up her....

Christmas is all gone now, and I've got to wait until next year for more joy, cheer, and Santa. Our tree is still up, but it's lingering about like a washed up relative does around the Christmas buffet...no one knows why it's still there and it's not going away on its own.

Teething has turned my sweet baby into a fussy, drooling monster on sleep strike. He sleeps decently at night, but napping? Well, that's out of the question. And on top of everything, he now bites me during every feeding. He got his first two teeth when he was only four months old, and now he's going to have six teeth by the time he's 6 months old. He's currently getting in four on top. And mind you, breastfeeding is expected for the first year.

Adrien is sitting on the couch in his underwear. Yes, underwear. The big boy kind and all...complete with lightning McQueen. Please lord let him stay dry. The couch can't afford another pee spot. If the cushion covers get washed one more time, I think they might fall right apart. So far so good. But, so help me, if I have to wash poop out of those teeny whitey tighties...well. That's another story entirely.

So Christmas is over. We're on to New Year's. My head is full of resolutions that I'm sure will be broken a day or two in. I suppose I'm just not a very resolute person. I do have other attributes though. I guess.

In case you were wondering my Mom did come for Christmas and she did bring said video game thing. It's entirely too advanced for him. It's for ages 3 and up, and while I tried nicely to urge her not to get it, I guess she just had to. He didn't make the fuss about it Christmas morning like I thought he would. Thomas the Train actually did win him over. But it's the fuss he's now making to play the darn thing. We got it out finally Sunday evening and low and behold, it's too hard. It takes either me or Andi to actually play it and he mainly watches and pushes a button or two every now and then. It's just too hard. So now my days are also filled with fits about playing his games. To top it off, my Mom bought him a Shrek game to go with it. The Shrek game is for ages four and up, so I can just imagine how incredibly above him that one is. Her reasoning for getting that one? Well they just didn't have any ones for the younger age group left at the store. Oh come on! Oh well. The thing came with a game anyway. But whatever.

I guess that's what Grandma's are for, eh? Causing havoc with the grandkids and getting the privilege of walking away from it all. Seriously. She is not my favorite person right now.

My Mom, the Narcissist

My Mom is a narcissist. No really, she is. I know we all feel this way about our mothers...or, um, maybe we don't. But in dysfunction land -- where my family resides -- she is. And I can prove it.

I won't even delve into the realm of what she did at my wedding. She single-handedly ruined the entire thing for me, and pretty much everyone else attending; forever staining that day into my memory. And not in the good way you'd think it would be. No, I'm not going there. And I won't even venture into how she left me more than 13 voicemails in the week following my wedding, while Andi and I were honeymooning. She eventually ended up calling our hotel. Why? Because my wedding was supposed to be about the bride's mother and the bride. It was her day. And those are her words, my friend. But I'm not going there...just as I said I wouldn't.

I'm not even going to get into this past Thanksgiving and how it was supposed to be about her and her friends and family. Yet again, I'm quoting of course.

Nope, not me. I don't live in the past. I'm speaking of the future, and how my Mom intends to steal Christmas. My Mom's husband works offshore. He will be working on Christmas, and as such we've celebrated early with them this year just a few weekends back. Now that was fine. Then I found out my Mom was inviting herself over for Christmas this year. Which is fine, I don't want her to spend the day alone. Great. I'll see my Mom and the kids will see Meemaw. Wonderful. But then she announced she was coming up Christmas Eve. I can deal, really I can.

In November my Mom told me about what she was wanting to order Adrien for Christmas. He's absolutely obsessed with tractors, as any boy is, and so she was getting him a pedal tractor. You know, a tractor that's just his size that can be pedaled around. It was even coming complete with a trailor. I figured it would be fine and he would love it. And he will, love it. And therein lies the problem.

I'm not a mean Mom. I want my kids to have presents they like. I want to see his joyful, expressive face light up when he sees this thing. And no doubt he'll want to ride it for hours on end after receiving it. He will LOVE it. But it didn't come in in time for our early Christmas with my Mom. So of course, she was going to be bringing it along for the real Christmas.

Although Santa's got a grand Christmas planned for my little Pooka, let's face it. Thomas the Train does not compare to a big fat Adrien-sized tractor with trailer. It just doesn't. Neither do any of the other gifts Santa's going to be dropping through the chimney. So I politely called my Mom and requested she hold off on gifting the tractor until later that day. I'd prepared myself for my Mom to take it as badly as possible, and of course she would because you know, everything is about her. But to my surprise, she understood. Or at least she said she did. That is, until she called me this morning asking if Adrien would like one of those VTech video game systems.

It doesn't have to be from Meemaw or the parents, she explained, It can just be from Santa.

I guess her understanding is out the window.

Check it out, yo

I've got a new blog in progress! My content is all moved over, and we're (my super genius web designer husband and I) are going to be working on design soon.

I've got my very own URL. I feel like such a big girl blogger!

Check it out:

www.apronstringsymphony.com

Budding Van Gogh

Adrien never ceases to amaze me.

About two weeks ago, I was astonished to hear him call All Aboard! while playing with his trains. I realize, of course, that others probably don't see the significance in this. But to me, it was the world.

I was even more astounded yesterday when we were watching Noggin. They always have these "picture puzzle" things between shows and they had a big picture with a ton of shapes hidden in it. The point was to find all the squares within the picture. Adrien walked straight up to the TV and pointed them ALL out. He knows what a square is! Once again, I realize the significance may be lost to others...

And then today. I came into the living room from just having been checking email for about two minutes prior. I found him spraying a bottle of aerosol sunscreen onto his hand and licking it off.

Never ceases to amaze me.

Elfish Charleston

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Wordless Wednesday: Look what I made!

Respect MY Authority

This past weekend we went to Dallas for the Neiman Marcus Adolphus Children's Parade. It was fun, but holy poopsicles, was it ever cold. We got downtown at 8 or something and the parade didn't even start until 10. It was worth it though! Once the parade started, I forgot how cold I was. Did I mention Jude slept through the entire thing? Ya. Marching bands and all. And we were front and center. I wish he would sleep that deep all the time.

Jude's been sleeping horribly the past few weeks. At first I thought it was his stomach with solids. So I'd cut out solid foods and he was still crying through the night. I can tell he's been in pain, so I finally took him into the doctor to see what was wrong. I was fearing an ear infection in his left ear, and I was right. I've been frustrated about finding a new doctor here in Tyler because I was so happy with our doc back in Dallas. I managed to find an osteopathic pediatrician at a local clinic not too far from our house and I was trying to remain optimistic. She looked nice in her photo and I was hoping the D.O. that followed her name meant she would be a little more liberal on some issues. Mainly on the vaccines.

When I told her my doctor in Dallas wasn't for vaccines she looked at me like I was insane and let me know that she would be willing to "work" with me on the schedule, but wouldn't be willing to see me if I wasn't working toward vaccinating. That seems to be the consensus I've gotten from doctors in this tiny little town. Fine, I'll take what I can get, and I'm guessing that means a doctor that will only allow a delayed schedule. It's not the fact that I'm being forced into vaccinating that bothers me as much as her reasoning behind it. She said, and I do quote;

...If you choose not to move toward vaccinating at all, I would be afraid that you wouldn't respect my authority on other issues...

Authority? AUTHORITY? I mean, who died and made you mother to my children? Since when did doctors become the be all and end all of authority in our childrens' lives? I get that I have no medical degree. But what I get even more is my children and when I know what feels right for them and what doesn't. Is it even right for a doctor to act as if a parent has no authority in their child's life? What she should be respecting is my authority as a parent.

I've caught flack for my stance on vaccinations before. But what's the world coming to when you're afraid to take your child to the doctor because of an informed medical decision you've made regarding their welfare? I was told by another pediatrician here in town that he, too, would have to refuse to see my children in his office if I put off vaccinating Jude after four months of age.

It's just unsettling.

You know what else is unsettling? The fact that I don't think I've brushed my teeth today.

As requested....

Diapers and Schooling

It's been forever since I posted. I'm so bad about that. I really need to try to get better. Props to all those bloggers who have multiple children in the preschool years and still get a daily blog up. I mean, really. It just boggles my mind. Blogging time used to come easily when it was just Adrien...just turn on some telly and I was good for like 20 minutes at least. Jude just doesn't get that whole zone out to the t.v. thing yet.

Speaking of the telly, I'm quite sure my kid(s) watch too much...you see, I'm already anticipating Jude watching too much as well. I was the mom who was never going to let my kid watch that much television. Really, I was. Then, when Adrien was a few weeks old, I discovered that he'd stop crying for a few minutes to let me get some dishes done if he was in front of the moving color box. Call me a bad mom or whatever, but I really needed those few scream-less minutes. And then it was that easy. Not that I let my infant really watch t.v...but when he was a little older we'd put it on Disney every morning. Oh how I miss the days of watching the Today Show...

And now it's like just the norm. We turn on cartoons in the morning, and since I've had Jude, it's sort of like my crutch. At least a few times a week (if not every day some weeks) I catch myself turning on Wow Wow Wubbzy reruns I've TiVo'd just to catch a cat nap while Jude takes his morning nap. And then some days that ends up turning into an all day occurrence (not the napping part, unfortunately). It's like ohmigoodness I need some breathing room, LOOK! there's Spongebob, finally I can get a minute of sanity. So I am really trying to work on that whole using the television as a crutch thing. You know I'm not the only mom. Don't look at me like that. Judge me, bitch, just try.

In jest though. But seriously, I got my new cloth diaper order today! Can we say exciting? I can. Exciting. I ordered some new covers because Jude's chunky little self moved up into a new size quite a while ago, we've just been stretching by with what the had. I decided to try a new kind of cover since the others I had were bulky (and expensive). I tried these ones out and I'm so happy so far! They're not bulky at all, and best of all you get TWO for only FIVE BUCKS!!! (That's compared to only one cover for close to $12 or $15). I also ordered some new prefolds for him since he's long since outgrown his infant sized ones (we've been living on some hand me down fitted diapers). They're absolutely GINORMOUS! And best of all, I finally broke down and ordered a BumGenius 3.0 one-size diaper. These are like cutting edge in the cloth diaper world. I've so coveted them, but have been too cheap to order until now. I finally allowed myself to order one because it was on sale and it was Black Friday. I sense an addiction coming on.

I've also been starting to think about schooling. I can't believe that in just two and a half more short years we'll be starting Adrien in school. I want to start the whole preschool experience soon. He's at an age where he's picking up on new concepts easily, and I feel now's the time to let that budding genius loose. In all seriousness though, I'd like to start him in a preschool when he's closer to three, but I realize we most likely won't have the money to put him into one I'd like. So I was checking around town for a preschool co-op. There is one that is ran through a homeschool co-op, and I was very excited to learn that...until I found out you have to have at least one school-aged child to enroll your children into the program. So that stinks. So I could enroll Adrien for Kindergarten when he's old enough and Jude would get the preschool benefit. That doesn't exactly do much for Adrien. So I'm going to keep checking. But I was talking to Andi about it and telling him how excited I was about the co-op thing and he asked me if I wanted to homeschool. So that set off a spark in my head. And now I'm researching that too. I am eager to get my adult life back, complete with a job and all, but education is very important to me. I don't want my children to be poorly educated by the public school system. On the other hand, I don't want them to miss anything socially by not going to public schools. I would adore a private school, but I'm being realistic and we probably won't be able to afford that either.

Get excited! I have my MOPS meeting tomorrow. We've started attending the church I got to the MOPS group at and we love it so far. It's quite a bit larger than what we're used to, and we're attending the contemporary worship which differs greatly from the strongly liturgical Presbyterian church we'd been attending in Dallas. But the music at the service is superb, and unlike some contemporary worship services we've been to, the music doesn't stretch on and on. I'm feeling like I'm missing something in my life right now and I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm thinking it's a strong sense of church home. Hopefully we'll be fully settled in the new church soon. We're trying out a Sunday School class this Sunday. Let's see how that goes.

We're going to be going back to Dallas this weekend to see a friend and go to the big Christmas parade they have there. I hope the weather's mild and not too terribly cold. I can't wait to see my friend! It's been too long already and I miss her a great deal.

Dallas, here we come! :)

I am what I think I am

God called me lazy today.

For the last while, and especially this week, I've been moping around feeling pretty sorry for myself. I haven't been getting dressed. I haven't been cleaning. I've been flat out sour.

Today I had a meeting with the local MOPS group I've joined. It was Christmas craft day and my day was brightened even more because my Mother in law was taking care of my two year old. I was left with only one child in-tow and I'd gotten his feeding schedule just-so this morning as to not disturb my 10am to noon crafting session. I was going to drop my baby off in the nursery at church, go my meeting, drink coffee and act like the refreshed mother I'm not. But it was going to be wonderful.

And it was.

Until I was Convicted.

The devotional this morning was on Proverbs 31:10-31.

10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still dark;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her servant girls.

16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

29 "Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Okay, God. I hear You loud and clear. I'm getting dressed tomorrow. I did the dishes this afternoon.

Letting the dog from the leash

The kitchen is full of dishes. Some left from Sunday's party, some from other times. Until earlier today, the dining room table still held three dirty plates from dinner last night...one being my husband's over half full of old spaghetti. I'd upset him too much to eat, I guess. I was having another mid-week meltdown and giving him the what-for about my isolated life as a full time Mom.

I haven't gotten dressed all week, save for on Monday when we attempted to have a great day at the zoo. We had a day there, anyway. Today I sat on my bed on pins and needles as Adrien slept in the living room and Jude lay on my bed napping. The last shower I had was Saturday morning before a friend's baby shower. Still, it was nap time and I'd chosen first and foremost to dig into a book that had come for me in today's mail. Dishes and hygiene be damned, because this book was about finding yourself in the depths of motherhood.

Not even one chapter in and a dog started to yip outside my bedroom window. Banging from above. The trophy wife of the doctor who lives above me is home and she'd put her dandy little doggie out to doodie. I can still hear her high heels clicking around on the hardwood floor. She's so privileged...and she can't even drag her high heeled self out to walk her dog? I felt like walking right up to her door, pounding on it and giving her the run around about her dog waking my child up during precious, precious nap time.

But how would I look to this pampered picture of perfection? So instead, I picked up the crying baby and came to the computer to write this.

Anybody out there?

We've been in the sticks now for a few weeks. I get like zero time to do anything...odd since you'd think I'd have more time (seeing as I'm living with my in-laws). But the internet here is slower than Methuselah...they live so far out in the middle of nowhere, that just to get internet -- other than dial up (people still have that?) -- is satellite. Slower. Than. Methuselah.


We found a place to move into, but the kitchen is being remodeled right now and it won't be ready until November 1. Which is fine. It's a duplex built in the 1930s, and all in all we'll have more square footage in the duplex than we did in our house back in the city. We'll be living downstairs from a doctor. It's in the nicest neighborhood in town. Can't wait to have my own space. And OH. My. Goodness...my king size bed. Four people sleeping in a bed that's supposedly queen size...it's like we're sardines, really.

We went back to Dallas about two weeks ago to turn the keys over to our new tenants. We went a day early...only to discover the house had been broken into sometime the previous week. The back door was kicked in. And I guess they had a temper. They kicked a hole in the hallway wall. I assume it's because they only made off with a cheap electric drill. At the end of it we were left with a hundred dollar hotel bill for the night, cops who took no fingerprints, etc. and major repairs to be done -- the day our new lessors were to move in. Very, very exciting...and odd to see someone else moving their things into my house. A bit heartbreaking...but I'm trying to remain optimistic.

Andi loves his new job so far. Let's keep the momentum going. I'll blog again when I get a chance. I'm going to be doing a redesign and a possible URL switch soon, but that will likely not be until after we get into our own place.

I'm so bored with this blog. Do I even have any readers anymore?

What ice cream can and can't do

We've been packing, of course it has to wait until after the boys are in bed. I'm exhausted from the late nights. We went and bought blinds for the house today. I've lived here two years with just cheap paper blinds...and now, we've bought real, very nice blinds for the entire house. I'm fixing up my home so that someone else can move in. I feel a bit like I'm handing my own life over to someone else. Someone else will be cooking in my kitchen -- even using my refrigerator. I just loved that fridge. I thought it was so nice to move here and get one of the new refrigerators with the freezer drawer on the bottom.

My Mom is still without power. I finally got in touch with my Dad and he's without power as well...although the car dealership he works at has power. My Mom gets food and water from FEMA every day. What a joke that is. If FEMA would just send the generators for the water treatment center in town (like they promised to do days ago), maybe they wouldn't have to send so many National Guard to help hand out bottled water. Ya, that's right. My Mom is even without running water. Thank God she's been through enough of these storms before to know to fill all the available bathtubs up with water before it gets bad. I have a friend who lives by my Mom and she's an insurance agent. She's been working every day with no electricity or phone line just to get people's claims. I think that times are getting desperate there...my Mom says my step dad hasn't been sober a day since the storm. Hopefully this will get cleared up soon and the bastard can go back out and work on his stupid oil rig. I loathe drunkards.

And in other exciting news about what the storm dragged in, there's been a new colony of ants pop up in the back yard. Sunday was such a beautiful day that I let Adrien go out and play in the back yard. While the folks were here signing all the lease papers, Andi was showing the man our yard. Adrien had been picking me "flowers" which were really just tall pieces of grass going to seed...you know the ones with the black seeds attached. At some point Adrien ran in the house screaming, holding his hands out. I could see black dots on his hands, but I thought it was the grass seeds. I really thought he'd been stung by a wasp. No, he was being eaten by ants. They covered his hands. The rush to get them off of his tiny little fingers wasn't fast enough. He has about 75 bites between both hands. They swelled up like the marshmallow man's. I took him to the doctor Monday and she gave him a regime of steroids and Benadryl. He looks like he's got leprosy or some other crazy Biblical plague. I felt so bad for him on Monday that I let him have ice cream for lunch. Because if I'd just gotten eaten alive by ants, I'd want ice cream for lunch too. He was grateful.

Too bad ice cream can't keep me in my life as I know it. But for now, it does at least offer some comfort.

I'm spending the last few days here in this house, trying to soak everything in. I'm trying to absorb my life in every moment so that I don't forget...because I know I'll never have anything like this. Ever again.

The Storm has Passed

The only part of the storm we saw was a full day of wind and rain. My husband's parents are still without power. Ike's eye moved right over their home, but fortunately, by the time it hit them, it had downgraded to a tropical storm. My Mom wasn't quite as lucky. The storm was still a category 1 hurricane when it moved over their home. And even though they live about two and a half hours inland, they've been told they may not have their power restored for two to three weeks. She's running on generator power right now, but that will only last as long as the fuel for it does.

I stayed up late Friday night, watching minute by minute coverage of the storm on The Weather Channel. I knew it was going to do damage, but in my mind, I don't think I realized to what extent. Galveston Island was, for the most part, washed away. It will be a long time coming before it looks anything like the Galveston I know and love. I can't believe so many people stayed behind. This storm was a monster. Andi and I honeymooned there. I lived there for a while with my Mom after I graduated high school. It hits hard when you see something so familiar shambled.

My Mom had planned on spending her birthday at the Balinese Room...which is a historic night club on the Sea Wall in Galveston...or rather, it was.

This:


Was turned to this:


It's so crazy to see all of this on television. Sort of like when the Tube was bombed in London. I'd just been living there a short while before, and I took the exact route that was bombed every morning, either to get to class or my job. It's such a strange feeling when something you've called home gets turned upside down.

In other news though, we've managed to lease our house out. I prayed a lot about it and I finally told God I was giving it over to him. The next day, we had someone look at the house and decide to lease it...a three year lease none the less. They filled out the paperwork today. We won't be losing this place after all. We're starting to pack, which is utter chaos in and of itself. We'll be moving next weekend. I'm so sad about leaving my church...but I know that I'm heading some place God wants me to be. My life has a purpose, and I'm getting closer to fulfilling it. I'm going to miss all my friends and my life here, but having the house taken care of has lifted a huge burden from my shoulders. I can finally breathe again.

Where I was...

I was sitting in Physics class. Third period. Junior year.

A friend came in and told me she'd just heard that someone had crashed an airplane into the World Trade Center and one into the Pentagon. She said she'd heard that another one was headed for the Whitehouse.

She was such a gullible girl. Surely someone had tried to get the best of her to see what she would be believe. I mean, after all...earlier that year, I'd learned that she didn't know Kurt Cobain had killed himself. "Oh," she said, "I thought they just stopped making music..."

But it was true. Unimaginable truth. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I still can't.

A few years later my tour bus would stop at Ground Zero. I could hardly get out of the bus. I really didn't want to.

Every year, I'm still that girl in third period physics. I still can't believe it.

A fork in the road

It is sometimes the hardest to remember that our paths are already chosen for us. We forget that God knows how its going to end before we even begin. In our own human stubbornness, we plow through life with the rare realization that we have a purpose in this life. We get caught up in the day to day grind and routine of it all, often times never noticing those forks in the road that have been set out for us. I mean, sure, we've all got hose little decisions: turn left or right, cream or no cream, paper or plastic. But its those really big decisions in life that can be scary. The ones that will turn your life upside down. Sometimes we feel like we're deciding which road to take blindly; with no guidance from anyone. It's a shot in the dark. Other times, God sends us huge signs to follow. And still other times, He forces us down a path. I think the forced paths are the hardest pills to swallow. After all, God set in motion free will within each of us. Forced is often not in our vocabulary.

A few months back, my husband opened our mortgage statement to find we owed about $500 more than usual. We thought it was a mistake. A call to the mortgage company assured us it wasn't. It seemed that, since we'd built our house, our escrow payment had been sorely under charged. We owed a lot -- over a year and half's worth -- of property, city, and county taxes. The entire time we'd lived in this house, we'd been paying taxes on land only, with no house occupying the space. Obviously, there's a house here.

The mortgage company was able to work with us a bit on our payment, but it still went up quite a bit. When you are raising tow kids on one income, it's hard to come up with that "extra" few hundred dollars at the end of the month. If that higher mortgage statement had come just a few weeks earlier, we wouldn't have bought the new SUV we'd just brought home only three weeks prior to opening that mortgage statement. We wouldn't be in this mess. But it didn't, we did, and we are -- in a huge mess. As of Monday we are 2 months late on our house payment. We pay half of it every two weeks, but we're slipping closer and closer to foreclosure.

A few weeks ago, my husband was online perusing jobs, when he saw the name of the town his parents live in show up. He clicked to check out the job, only to find that it was exactly what he was looking for. Not thinking anything would come of it, he sent his resume off. A few hours later, he had an interview set up for the next week. The company, apparently, was looking for a candidate with his exact qualifications and experience. So he interviewed, never imagining they'd be able to pay him the salary we needed. To our amazement, they said his salary requirement was no problem. Andi meets with the CEO tomorrow. He should have an offer soon after.

Although we'd been talking about moving closer to family recently, I never thought he'd actually find a job that payed...in his career field [They have tech jobs in the sticks?]. This entire thing has thrown me for a loop. Of course I have a huge fear of what will happen when we leave. Will we be able to sell or lease our house? I'm not sure. Facing foreclosure is scary. I fear it will butcher our credit...and why wouldn't it? What kind of future will that be? Will we ever have a house again? [Do we deserve one?] For that matter, will we ever have anything again? Remembering that God will provide is increasingly hard. But He does, and He will. No matter how ashamed I feel right now, I have to be able to pick my chin up to thank God for all that I do have.

After returning to Andi's parents' house after a disappointing search for an affordable, decent sized apartment to cram the last two years of our life into, we learned that the house next to Andi's parents' property is going up for rent. Being a long-time family friend, the owner is willing to rent to us. God's providing us a home...And even though we'll most likely be staying with his parents for a short time while we figure things out financially, I'm grateful for that home. Those apartments were breaking my heart.

Here I stand, at a huge fork in the road. I'm completely out of breath and scared. Up until now I've been too proud to write about all of this...or even talk to friends about it. I cling to my material possessions so tightly, and have for so long, that losing them is putting huge holes in my self. My whole life is down the road I'm on right now: friends, church, things...Stepping foot down my new path feels like jumping into an abyss. It's dark and unknown. I have to give it all to God and take the leap anyway.

I'm absolutely terrified.

----

By the way, in case you're wondering, we have called the mortgage company. Despite the overwhelming number of foreclosures looming in America, our lender is unwilling to help us. They said that given all of our bills and expenses, since we have no surplus of income at the end of the month, they're unwilling to help us. If we had a surplus of income, don't you think we'd be paying our mortgage with it?

Cuppa

So I finally remembered to get some decaf at the store...and some really great creamer.

I can't tell you how good it feels to wake up and have coffee to look forward to again.

It just beeped to let me know a pot is ready. Mmmmmm.

Quick

I have a lot to blog about.

Of course it will all take entirely too long, and of course, it needs to wait until after the kids are in bed. Let's hope I have the energy to type it all up.

The kids are in bed now...but not for much longer.

I've just got a lot going on in my life and a lot circling around in my head about it.

I really hate being an adult some days.

Completely Humiliating Phase

Okay, so Piper over at Bliss in Bloom posted a humiliating big hair pic [It's okay, Piper, I'm sure those bangs were all the rage -- with a big can of Rave].

Well, I'm too young to have experienced the big hair movement...although I did rock some killer bangs in elementary school. I don't have any big hair pics handy. I do, however, have this lovely pic. It's straight from my I'm gonna wear all black and listen to dark music period. You know...everyone else was doing it, why not me?

I actually don't find this picture that humiliating. I can still identify with the girl in the picture. What I don't get, however, is why my life's ambition ever involved being a roadie for some rock band. I would have taken the roll of groupie too.

So here I am...at some obnoxious rock festival. I was 16 in this picture.

Yes those are tiny camo shorts (with fishnets underneath of course) and yes, my eyes are actually open -- I just have too much black make up on them to tell.




I did, however, manage to score Ginger Fish's autograph at this concert.

And, by the by -- my necklace says "Fuck you". Just in case you were wondering.

I was such a happy girl.

Okay, so: Lots and lots of Snot...and shite

I haven't posted: the boys were sick with a cold for a while. I think I saw every color of snot known to man...and it call came out of my kids' noses. I think I've also seen every color shite known to man...and it's all come out of my newborn's bum.

On top of battling the common cold -- in August -- I've been dealing with a newborn who cries nearly every second of the day when not asleep. We've been wondering if food allergies are to blame. Is it dairy? Is it gluten? Could it be corn? Maybe it's tomatoes. Oh, I know...I'll just not eat anything and see how that works out. I think he may be allergic to air.

But this entire time, trying as it is, I've had this hymn stuck in my head. So I'm going to post it. Maybe it can be your light at the end of whatever tunnel you're stuck in.

It's a beautiful Irish hymn...and I adore it. If you can, try to find an audio version and listen.

But, for now, let the words be your rock.

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;
be thou my best thought in the day and the night,
both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,
be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;
be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;
be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;
be thou my whole armor, be thou my true might;
be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:
O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
be thou mine inheritance now and always;
be thou and thou only the first in my heart;
O Sovereign of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, thou heaven's bright sun,
O grant me its joys after victory is won;
great Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Words: Ancient Irish hymn;
trans. Mary Byrne, 1905, and versified by Eleanor Hull, 1912

The muffin binge

I had some friends come by today. One of them brought (milk free) muffins.

Yesterday, I practically starved to death. Elimination dieting is torture. I just have to say that. This is what I consumed yesterday:

Breakfast: a rice cake and a pear

Lunch: short grain brown rice with sauteed squash and zucchini...with just salt and pepper (and some olive oil).

I decided to let myself have a banana. I mean, what's a banana going to do?

Dinner: Baked sweet potato, like two tiny pieces of chicken, more rice with squash and zucchini.

Later that night...even more rice with squash and zucchini.

I was soooooooo stinking hungry! I mean, really. Look what I had for dinner...while my husband had taco salad. Complete with grated cheese. GRATED CHEESE!!!

So today, when my friends showed up with milk free muffins, I ate like four of them. And let me tell you -- they're the best dang muffins ever. I have more, too.

I'll go back to eliminating tomorrow.

But good gracious, Momma needs to eat, and if I have to look at any more rice, I'm going to vomit.

Not-so Wordless Wednesday

Once you've looked at today's Wordless Wednesday, read this post...which is obviously not-so wordless.

This past weekend Andi and I decided we were equally sick of the city, so we set out for the in-laws...who, by chance, live in the sticks. It was great. We really wish we lived closer to family. But Andi's profession (and mine -- if I ever go back to it) maintain a close distance to city. We're looking at ways to change that though. More on that later.

Tomorrow I start a very exciting elimination diet. What's an elimination diet? you may ask. Well let me explain. (or you can let Dr. Sears explain) For the next few weeks I'll be eating nothing but rice, rice products, pears, yellow summer squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes and chicken, turkey and pork (I added the pork and chicken in myself -- I don't eat mutton). I'll consume no milk products, nor will I consume any gluten. I'll take in nothing but water, as I couldn't find the prescribed pear juice at the store. After about two weeks time, I'll get to add one new and exciting food (such as GASP! carrots) every four days.

And why am I putting myself through this? No, I'm not on some exciting new fad crash diet. I'm eliminating allergens. Something is making Jude cranky and possibly sick. He's only happy (for the most part) when being held, rocked, or worn in the wrap. He's had terrible diaper rash off and on since he was born. And he's got a rash on his face, although a call to the doctor reassured me that it was most likely just baby acne. Often when he nurses, he screams and pulls away, but acts like he wants to eat more. I know he's still hungry, but I feel like he's in pain. So I've got to find out what's making my poor baby so upset. I suspect milk...but it could be gluten (I'm a huge bread addict, and that would suck). So, this should be a very exciting venture. If nothing else, I'm sure to loose a few more pounds. And despite all the crankiness, he's still sleeping decently at night...only waking to eat every 3-4 hours, nursing, and returning back to sleep promptly. He does have some nights that aren't so easy (like the night I ate nachos for dinner -- he was up every hour all night), but all in all, I think I've got it relatively easy in that department. Now if I could just make him happy during the day.

Speaking of losing weight, I weighed myself at a friend's house yesterday. We don't own a scale for various obsessive reasons. I'm happy to report that I've lost about 30 pounds total so far!!! That's pretty good considering I just had him on the 14th of July. I've only got 25 pounds left to lose! I'm in no rush though. I'm pretty sure consisting solely on rice products will take care of that last bit.

Wish me luck. And drink something exciting for me. Water...Meh.

Wordless Wednesday: Swaddled

Cannibalism, party of two [year old]

Ohmyfuckinggoodness.

Today, all I needed, was for my two year old to take a nap. I freaking needed my kid to take a nap like a chain smoker needs another cigarette. I mean, I really needed it. You know, that primal need. Sort of like the same thing that drives a lion to eat meat...ya'. That's the need. That same thing that drives the lion to go kill an antelope was about to push me over the mommy edge and straight into spanking land. Something about a two year old telling you "No, Night night!"

I resisted though. And I resorted to bribery instead. I told him if he went to sleep, Daddy would be home when he woke up. I'm probably lying...unless my husband gets off unusually early, or he sleeps for a long time.

But seriously. I really didn't think either of us would survive. Some days, I really do understand why some species eat their own young.

Momma, Find kee-kee too

I had to take Jude to the hospital today for some sort of State Newborn Screen. Apparently this is his second one [where was the first one? Hopsital?]. So off I went with a two year old and newborn. To the hospital. To wait. Wait. Wait.


There was this though: While waiting in the lobby to get called back for our paperwork, Adrien spotted the Starbucks kiosk and the cookies therein. Had to have a cookie. He insisted upon screaming and whining at me that he had "Momma, Find kee-kee too" (he now puts the word to or too at the end of every sentence, whether it belongs there or not, and whether or not that's the proper place for it. Yay for prepositions. Is that a preposition? I went to art school...} I reassured him that yes, you found the cookies, but you don't need one. Man, I really wanted one. They looked good. What I really wanted was some sort of hot caffeinated beverage to go with the kee-kee...but alas, I didn't need that either. We finally got called back to admissions. The kee-kees were out of sight. Some scrawny old lady, who really seemed nice enough, did all my paperwork. Zillions of papers to sign. All so they can prick my baby's heel and squeeze the blood out until he screams so much, he stops screaming at all. I hate that, man.

Waiting wasn't too bad though. It's times like these that you park the stroller in front of the television in the waiting room and hope your kid likes soap operas. He didn't. He did, however, like using a pen [stolen from admissions] to color all over himself -- and punch holes in the piece of paper that has the privacy practice policy on it. It was great fun, and at the end of the day I didn't have to put up with too much screaming and I got a tattooed toddler out of it. When we got called into the lab for the blood work, the nurse made mention of Adrien's self doodling. Before she could show too much disdain, I reassured her that it kept him quiet.

Then they all marveled as I unfurled this and out came a baby. People are so fascinated by fabric.

The wonderful smell of motherhood

The boys are both napping again today. At the same time. Please bitch slap me and tell me not to get too used to it. Really, it's not luck. It's just the fact that Jude's still in his whole Eat-poop-sleep-poop-sleep-eat-eat-eat-sleep-sleep-poop-sleep stage. You know, that stage where a good 10 minutes nursing session is all that's really needed to conk them right out. I mean, I'd be tired too if I had to suck on my boobs. It seems labor-intensive and all.

The most challenging part about this whole I'm-so-new-at-being-the-mother-of-two-at-once thing is that I hate feeling that I can't give them both my all, all at the same time. Logistically I can't be at Adrien's every beck and call while breastfeeding Jude every 2 hours. I mean, I've tried, really. But it's so dang hard on the shoulders. [Hunching over in the floor with a 9 pound newborn attached to your nipple to push some Hot Wheels around is no small feat.] I also feel guilty for cuddling with Jude because that means (most of the time) that I can't cuddle with Adrien at that moment...either for fear that Adrien will squash the little guy, or just because Adrien doesn't want to. And yet, at the same time, I feel a little guilty for not being able to pay Jude the same amount of one-on-one attention that Adrien got when he was a newborn.

I know, I know. It's all normal, and it will pan out. I'll get used to the swing of things and Adrien will too...Jude will never know that he missed anything. I know. But still. That mothering guilt again.

So here I sit, covered from head to toe in breast milk residue and probably wreaking of a million different stenches...both boys are napping. I really should be bathing.

It just seems like such a waste of personal time.

Miracle of all Miracles

The boys are napping at the same time today!


And yes, he looks awake. But the camera temporarily woke him up. He's currently snoozing.

Dropping in

So today is the first time my 2 year has taken a nap in a week. Since he's been home, he hasn't been napping (due to doctor's appointments, or whatever) and so therefore he hasn't been sleeping well at night. My poor husband's been sleeping on the couch with him every night just about, because he wakes up wanting to sleep in our bed. With Jude rooming-in in our room, that would just be a disaster. So out to the couch they go.

I'm hoping to be able to blog more as time goes by. I'm nabbing a little bit of time today to type up a bit for you guys. Jude's doing well. At this point, I think he's sleeping better at night than his big brother. His eating is just great! Breastfeeding is going well for me this time, and it makes me feel super guilty for not trying harder to succeed with Adrien. When we left the hospital, Jude had some jaundice that ended up getting relatively bad. On top of the normal jaundice baby's get (which his level was only 6 at discharge) our blood types were different, and apparently that makes it worse as my 0+ was attacking his B+..but we've resolved that matter. I think his peak bilirubin (spell check, y'all) level was 14.5...but that was last Friday and on Monday it had dropped to 11, so we're in the clear. He's finally starting to turn pink and not look so much like I dropped him in a vat of fake tanner.

This past Wednesday I had to take him to the doctor to have his circumcision looked at (it was pretty inflamed afterward and we had to use an antibiotic cream -- that BTW, the insurance wouldn't cover because he hadn't been on our plan for 30 days -- um, HELLO! Newborn! Whatev.) His wee-wee is all taken care of now. This morning I found that his belly button was bleeding. A call to the doctor assured me that it's fine as long as it doesn't continue to bleed. So let's keep our finger's crossed.

So everything is going along just great! As soon as I can post more, I definitely will!

Thanks for all the well-wishes! :)

Love y'all!

Hey, Jude.

Jude Elijah was born Monday morning, July 14 at 10:58 a.m.

He weighed in at a whopping 8 pounds and 5.3 ounces, and measured 20 inches in length.

Everybody say, awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, y'all

My kid beat your kid up

I took Adrien to the mall today. Big surprise, I know. But it's an indoor playground and it's already been 100 degree here for a month (at least).

His favorite thing to play on there is this little car. It seats about 3 kids. Adrien climbed in with two other kids and automatically this little girl who was probably around 3 or 4 years old starts being really nasty and telling him to get out. He kept playing and just said "no." Somewhere around five minutes later the little girl is on top of the car's hood and Adrien is inside the car. She's STILL telling him to get out -- with her face being about a centimeter from his. I was looking around for her parents. I mean -- intervention, please? Adrien was tolerating it so I didn't step in. I was really waiting for this little brat's parents to do something. I finally figured out that she was there with who I'm assuming is her grandpa.

Finally Adrien got tired of her being in his face and he hauled off and punched her. Straight in the nose. She backed off. I was kind of astonished -- he usually doesn't hit unless he's just playing too rough and gets really excited. Rarely does he hit out of anger, and generally when a kid's being mean to him he just moves on to something else. I immediately rushed over, but before I could even get there the little girl was already looking at me and in a whiny tone she was all like "He punched me..." I just looked at her and said simply "You were being mean too." Then I got Adrien and we left the play area.

During this little conflict, I noticed her grandpa looking at me all like "Look what your kid just did!" I'm sorry, but I have no sympathy for her. She'd been antagonizing him for a good five to seven minutes. I wanted to punch her myself long before Adrien did. And on top of it, had her grandpa stepped in and told her to play nicer, Adrien wouldn't have been pushed over the edge.

As much as I feel like hitting is wrong, I feel like he was justified in it. She'd been nagging at him and taunting him for quite a while -- imagine how long 5 minutes is to a two year old. She's probably almost twice his age. I didn't know what to do besides leave the play area. I didn't want to not do something about his behavior...but at the same time I hate punishing him for defending himself. After all, she was being a real bitch.

What would you do? How do you feel about your kids sticking up for themselves?

My kid can outbowl your kid

My two year old plays the Wii. So while you sit there all smug because your drool spitting toddler can play Beethoven's IV and shit on the toilet, I'm perfectly happy that my kid could kick your kid's ass at Wii bowling any day of the week. Bring it on.

Randomness

Still too tired to post.

But here's a pic of my new glasses...



I'm going to the doctor every week now. Generally that's a great milestone in a pregnancy -- the end is near. But my doc is an hour's drive away. I mean, not that it's really that far mileage wise...but traffic wise, it stinks. Let's hope I can get to the hospital on time when I go into labor. Otherwise, I'll be like that lady in Colorado I saw on the news this morning.

So now I'll drive an hour or more every week just so the doctor can tell me that the baby's head is still down and no, ma'am, you're not dilated nor effaced yet. At all.

The grocery store is having a great summer produce sale...the organics are on sale too. I could really go for some strawberries. Mmmm.

Excuses, excuses.

Oh my goodness! Seriously. It's been entirely too long. I went without internet for a week. I mean, I'm completely aware it's been longer than a week since I last updated. But hello! If you knew how big my stomach is, you'd forgive me. I mean, and really...I live in Texas...in the summer. Misery.

Currently I'm feeling pretty nauseous and miserable. Tired is an understatement. I was kicked out of my own comfy pillow top bed by my two year old last night, and was relegated to sleeping on the couch. Um yes. The couch. It's not really a question of whether my belly fits on it or not, it's more of how it fits on there. I defy physics.

So, when I get some more time on my hands -- and really, I had 3 nice days where my mom kept my kid this past week -- I will blog. [And yes, those three days were spent internet-less.]

In the meantime, I've figured out that if you take away my kid and my internet, I have no life. I mean, truly. Isn't that the definition of pathetic? Most likely. And yet, I raise this excuse again: Summer in Texas; Pregnant.

It's all the excuse I need.

Movies, Barbie and Shopping...

It was such a long weekend. I mean, not that I'm complaining. It just wore me out a bit. What was supposed to be a one night trip to the in-laws ended up being a two nighter. It was great though. Adrien loves his grandparents. I wish he was as happy all the time here as he is when we're there. I just wish he'd sleep a little better there. Oh well.

Friday night the in-laws watched Adrien for us so we could go out on a date. We are so cinema starved that we went all out and saw two movies. We had dinner first, of course. I was sad that traffic was too bad to make it to Chinese, but we settled on salads at Olive Garden instead. Eh. I still want the Chinese. The waitress brought me Coke instead of peach tea as a refill, and I'm still wanting my peach tea, too. I love that stuff. Oh well. A girl can't have it all.

We saw Chronicles of Narnia first and then we sat through Indiana Jones. Narnia was great! We're big nerds like that [big kids too], so we love that stuff. Although my husband has read all the Narnia books -- I, of course, have not. So I'd definitely recommend Narnia. It does have a few parts that are kind of heavy for young kids, but if they can handle a little death and destruction in battle scenes, go for it! [Disney movies are allowed to show someone getting their head chopped off?!? AWESOME!] They don't show anything too harsh. Indiana Jones, on the other hand, I could have done without. I mean, it was a decent movie...but really. It took them that long to come up with that story line? It was far fetched at best [even judging by the myths surrounding the actual crystal skulls] and the story line was really shoddy. Given that it is, after all, an Indiana Jones movie, I'll say it was just alright. I mean, you can't expect an epic of great proportions. One of Andi's friend's put it best as mildly entertaining. But that was it for me -- mild entertainment [coupled with extreme discomfort by theater chairs that recline at an odd angle].

My niece's birthday party was Saturday. Other than my sister in law [Aerobics Barbie], I don't think I've ever seen so many rail-thin women in my life. My niece was turning 5, and all of her friend's mothers seem to share the same sentiment about food as my SIL does: It's apparently evil, not to be touched with a ten foot pole. On top of it, I was really looking forward to the water activities planned for that afternoon...but after sizing up Barbie in her teeny tiny baby bump, no stretch mark having, pregnant in a bikini self, I decided to let everyone else have the fun. I wasn't plopping into my larger than life maternity swim suit next to that. Andi said it was sickening to see his SIL pregnant and bikini sporting. But I have to admit, if I still looked that good, I'd be wearing one too...that is if my stomach wasn't as big as it actually is. She, however, looks like she drank too much soda or something. Is there really a baby in there? I guess Barbie does come pregnant these days.

And now today I'm left doing things I really ought to have done yesterday had I not been awakened entirely too early by a sleep walking toddler who was apparently trying to get into our air vent. I'm making my shopping list...which I always think will be the death of me. I try the whole coupon thing -- really. But it's just exhausting. Endless research goes into what I put on my list, and I always end up feeling like I've penned the check for my final resting place. What goes on the list stays, and when I check out, I gotta pay! I mean, it's brutal really. I hate paying for groceries! Not to mention, I'm just too picky to buy all the crap food. Coupons don't come out for the organic stuff. Ugh. Here I go again...signing my life savings away to the food mart.

Such a complainer, I am.

Why I always feel like I have to cram as much "me-time" as possible into nap time is beyond me. Well not beyond. Let's face it -- when else do I get "me time"? Lately I've just been feeling a little gypped. All I have energy for is to lay down and take a nap myself. Quality me time? Sure. But every day? Seriously, there has to be something more quality than a nap. Granted, sleep is mucho importante -- especially when pregnant. But exciting? No. I wake up feeling like I've wasted all 2-3 hours of precious golden me-time with my eyes shut.

No! I feel like me time should be used...for useful things. Like...well, I'm not sure. But something. I have precious little time to explore my own interests as it is, and to be reduced as having my number one priority as sleep? Well it just makes me feel a little bland. Don't get me wrong, I know full well that resting is important. Here in a few months I'll be complaining that I don't have a chance to nap -- nor will I have the chance for long while coming.

A nap just seems so wasteful and lazy.

But here I go. To my bed. It's nap time, man. And I'm pooped.

Showers go green!

At the OB's office today, I happened upon an issue of this magazine. In it, there was an article about how to throw a Green Wedding. I'm long past that phase of life, but a friend of mine just offered to throw me a baby shower the other day. Wondering how I could incorporate a green concept into the little shindig, I Googled. This is what I found. Leave it to a celeb to do it first. Not that I thought I'd be the first, but you know...

The concept of a second baby shower is taboo to a lot of people. One of my friends in particular thinks it's just downright strange and not normal [direct quote], but I think she's warming to the idea a bit more since she's also expecting. Down here in the south it's commonplace to have a shower for nearly every child you have. I think people here just like to have a reason to get together and eat, actually. But to us, every child is a celebration -- and that's the way it should be. Now, I'm not saying you go out and have a huge bash for every successive child you shoot out of your hooha, but you know...a little acknowledgment for the kid is in order. I also don't think you should go and throw yourself a baby shower either. I mean, if it's your first -- go ahead. But when friends of mine started asking when my shower was going to be, I would just tell them flat out, I don't know. I'm not going to be like, "Hey buy me stuff..." And I still refuse to do that. Had my friend not offered the other day, I suppose I just flat out wouldn't be having a shower at all -- and that'd be fine too. So anyway, a second or successive baby shower is thrown on eggshells in my life, I suppose.

So anyway, thinking of ways to make my shower eco-friendly is just so darn exciting to me...but I feel like a few of the tips (like asking people to not wrap in wrapping paper) will just be a pain in their arse. I already feel a little awkward having this shower anyway, so I really don't want to ask too much of people. However, it's my shower and is it really being absolutely evil to be eco-friendly about it? I already feel a little like I may have to take the planning into my own hands. The friend that offered to throw it for me hasn't even responded to a email I sent her about it a few days back. Granted, she did tell me yesterday she in fact got the email. Her first offer was to throw the shower (which, she mentioned as "nothing big", fine in my book) the first weekend in June. I thought that was just a wee too soon, and have asked for second or third weekend options instead.

I guess what I'm getting at here is this: It's a second baby shower. It's not supposed to be anything big, so is it acceptable to have a theme like "eco-friendly"? And why do I feel like it will be putting my guests out. I don't want people to be like "She's so damn picky. Why's this a big deal?" But here's the thing: it is a big deal to me. Adrien wasn't a planned pregnancy...not that it means he was any less wanted than this baby is...but it is different. The shower I got for Adrien was not ideal (and I'm really trying not to come off as ungrateful). A friend of mine threw the part for me last time and it was held at my absolute least favorite restaurant. It was a "surprise" party (that I figured out) and I had zero say in what happened at it. My friend had some of those kitschy overdone shower games -- that I really detest -- and there was this creepy clown working at the restaurant that attempted to make me a balloon figurine of a pregnant woman...YES! Don't ask, it was the single most disturbing thing in my life so far [It came complete with fetus].

Blah, so anyway. Do you guys think it would be too much to have the whole shindig go down my way this time? I'm feeling a tad bit uneasy with my friend being as busy as she is and offering to throw this shower for me. I'm just so afraid that it's going to fall by the wayside and end up like my last shower. All I really want is one good, normal life experience.

But I don't want it to make me Miss Fussy-Ungrateful-Pants. Am I being that way?

Wordless Wednesdays: Outdoor Fun

Save the Planet; Kill the Ants!

So lately (and if you follow my Twitter -- and you should -- you may have noticed my complaints) I've been finding ants in my house. I'm generally a gracious hostess, but ants just have to go. Seriously. It's frustrating. At first I couldn't seem to figure out where they were coming from...and I still can't completely. I'd find a random two or three here or there. Everywhere. At first they were mostly in my kitchen in random spots -- a few on the countertop, a few on the floor...I even found a few random ones in my master bathroom. The bathroom was a real mystery since it's at the opposite end of the house from where the majority of the rest of them were (my kitchen).

So anyway, I was doing what I could. I'd smash the random few I found at any given point and end up finding some more in another place later. Then, yesterday, they were out in abundance...all over my kitchen counter. There would be three or four and I'd deal with those only to have three or four more replace them a short while later. Even with me sitting and watching the countertop they just seemed to be appearing out of thin air...but I think I finally figured out that they are coming from somewhere behind our dishwasher. I ran the dishwasher and I haven't seen any since. It had been a while since the thing had been turned on...and I guess the ants just flat out don't like the heat, noise or vibrations generated by the dishwasher. I haven't found any in the kitchen since.

This morning Adrien wanted me to play with him in his room. I noticed an ant running along a base board beside his bed. Upon closer inspection, I found quite a few ants. Once again I couldn't figure out where they were coming from. Damn things. One would be running one direction while another was going some other way. I told Adrien to stay out of his room. He kept saying "Room -- ouchie." [He's come to thing all bugs are "ouchie" and refers to them as such. When he was younger I'd just point out bugs and says "Those are ouchies, don't touch" so that I wouldn't find him playing with one of the lovely poisonous spiders or chasing one of the many wasps we have around here. So now, even lady bugs are "ouchie" to him. Fine with me.]

So I remember seeing a sign outside of a local organic lawn supply store the other day that was touting organic insecticides. I looked them up online and gave them a ring. I drove straight over to buy the stuff.



Apparently there's an organic orange-based household cleaner that is an ant deterrent. I also picked up some outdoor insecticide to spray around as well so that we could find the ant mounds outside and kill them there. Together I was out only around $30, which in my opinion is well worth it. Both are dillutable and so they should last quite a while. I came straight home and mixed some of the orange cleaner up and started attempting to clean Adrien's room so I could wipe down the base boards. By the time I got home all the ants were gone, so who knows where they went or where they came from, but hopefully they won't come back. Upon moving Adrien's bed, I did however find a nice little culprit -- a half eaten chunk of cereal bar...although there weren't any ants on it.

The orange cleaner also does a great job at cleaning the countertops! Since I was having an issue with the ants in the kitchen I just went ahead and wiped down all my countertops with the stuff.

I'm super excited about the outdoor insecticide as well. In addition to killing and repelling ants, it also works on spiders and a host of other nasty little creepy crawlies. I do so hate the creepy crawlies (namely ants and spiders). It will also be safe to use on the little container garden my Mom got me. That'll be nice since I found some rather large red ants trying to invade my planter a few days back.

And I'll leave you with this cute little picture of Adrien taken yesterday afternoon. We play barefoot in the backyard daily, so I just don't want any harmful insects tearing my baby's tootsies up. I also don't want any nasty chemicals out there.

This Blog Sucks

So I'm trying to get in as much extra sleep as possible before the baby comes. And not that it's any excuse, but that's a huge reason why this blog hasn't been up-kept with as much finesse as it has been in months past. I mean, I do realize it's been lacking for quite a while -- did I even post for the entire month of December? I don't remember. There was one month that went missing. Anyway, this is my pathetic attempt -- in a roundabout way -- to say that my blog sucks lately. Seriously, it does.

I mean, who wants to read a blog with only one to two posts a week? I need to step it up, dude. And I will.

...right after I finish storing up my excess sleep for the long year ahead. This baby better sleep better than Adrien did. Oh wait -- any sleep at all would be an improvement. Adrien didn't sleep through the night until he was a year old. Seriously. I was a zombie for an entire year. That's hotness.

Other things that I think have lead to the decline of my blog is my lack of bitch. Do you remember a time when I was miss bitch? Hence the double entendre of my screenname -- b. Oh wait, you never got that? I had that whole anonymous comment bit and somehow I managed to back down a few months later. Nothing like some mean commenting to burst your blogger bubble.

On top of it, we all know I parted ways with my play group -- whom for some time held quite a place in my writing. I mean, what with all the character archetypes to be had and all. And who could forget Wholesome-living Guru? I mean, she was a classic for a while. But sadly, I've got not one left to make fun of now...and a constant stream of baby-blogging just bores the shit out of me. [And forgive me because I'm tired of sifting through my archives to find any Wholesome-living Guru posts to link to.]

So anyway, that's my laundry list of excuses for the apparently lacking of my blog. I think my blog is tired -- like one of those old ladies who hasn't changed her style of dress in decades. It needs a makeover.

My husband's a web designer...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I got Mom-Butt

Sorry for the lack of updates. I was on my feet all day last Friday and Saturday either getting ready for the party or having the party. Seriously, it was like the party that wouldn't end. The official start time for it was 11:30. Friends came in around 11:30 or 12 that day, my Mom and stepdad came around 12:30 or so and Andi's family didn't show up until sometime after 2 or 3 that afternoon. Adrien didn't nap the entire day (why would he?), around 6pm or so we were looking for a way to keep him up a few more hours. My Mom suggested that maybe we go out to eat, so we did. Needless to say, my Mom didn't leave to go back home until after 8 that night. Seriously -- party that didn't end.

My Mother's Day went well! I didn't have to pack up and leave. My husband didn't really well this year -- unlike last year. I got a present from Adrien, one from Jude and one from him. I collect these little statues and the boys each "gave" me one. Adrien "got" me this one and Jude "got" me this one. Andi got me a $50 gift certificate to Motherhood Maternity. My Mom bought me a cherry tomato plant, some sweet basil and some mint along with a planter and some organic top soil. She loved her gifts, btw. She had no clue how cheap they were.

Mother's Day also happened to be my day to teach the "Godly Play" at church for the children. That's where the children aged kindergarten through sixth grade go when they leave the sanctuary after the children's sermon. It's basically a mini church service that's on the kid's level. I was so anxious about it. I'd been reassured that I would have two youth-aged helpers in the classroom with me. Low and behold, I didn't. I made it through just fine though. Piece of cake. Not that I want to do it again though. Not at all.

So anyway, I've been trying to recover from Adrien's party since we had it. I was on my feet so much that I've started to feel like my pelvis is splitting in two. I remember getting to some point in my pregnancy with Adrien and feeling like that, but I remember it being much further along than this. I think this baby's going to come out early. He's absolutely huge. At least I hope that's him making me so big. I hope it's not just me...who knows though. Pregnancy is the perfect disguise for a less than flat tummy. And mine was nowhere near flat to begin with. I think I see a tummy tuck somewhere in my future.

It's been raining for the majority of the week. Today there was a pause in the storms, so I took Adrien to the mall to play. We were caged up all day yesterday in the house because of the weather, so it was nice to get out. I was determined to leave the house today. Plus I've got the gift card to use. I ended spending like $13 off of it. I just refuse to pay so much for clothes I won't be able to wear much longer. Not to mention the fact that most of it doesn't fit me. All the shirts are too short for my humongous stomach. I already own the only pair of shorts from that store that don't give me total mom-butt syndrome. Maybe I'll just save the money on the card and buy some nice nursing tops or bras. I'll be able to get more use out of those. They have some cute nursing jammies there. I could always get some of those. It just always makes me nervous to shop in that place unless my favorite salesgirl is working. The store is so small and so jam packed with everything that you feel claustrophobic and followed. It's like a million and a half tie-in-the-back shirts have you backed into a corner demanding you revert to some sort of frumpy state of fashion.

I'm pooped. Think I'll go nap now.

Big Bouncy Birthday Bash

The potential of possibility

Sometimes I get so upset about life in general. Mostly, I just get so jealous of my husband. Is that normal? I don't know. I just get to where I feel like he has all these little "extras" in his life. He has a great career [whereby he actually uses his education and follows his dreams]. He has an iPhone. He has a laptop on loan to him from his job. He can decide to go buy himself new clothes with no guilt. He decides when he's going to do what, and with whom he's going to do it with. He has a wife who cooks for him. He has a wife who raises his kids. He has a wife who gives up a lot for everyone else in her life.

I just get so mad sometimes and I hold it all against him. Yes, I even hold his iPhone against him. I hold the money he gets to spend guilt free on whatever he deems appropriate against him. Why? Because I don't have that luxury. I feel guilty about everything. I live with guilt. And to get around it, I just give things up. I don't demand much...and the only extras I get are things like the extra few servings of brownies I eat throughout the day, or the few minutes here and there I steal to get online while Adrien's occupied during the day. I just bottle it all up I guess. And then I just end up letting it all out in little spurts...and when anyone asks what's wrong I say nothing.

So this is me admitting that I'm jealous of my husband and all the little things he has. Everything he has that I don't. It just pisses me off some days. What about all the stuff that I want?

Pssht. Want? What does that even mean? I relegate that to daydreaming about the potential of possibility.

Happy Happy Birthday!

Today was Adrien's second birthday. I can't believe he's two already! Seriously...where's the time go? By the time the next one is two, Adrien will be four! That's even more insane to me.

Andi took off work today for Adrien's birthday since he was gone all weekend. We originally planned on going to the zoo, but there was a 70% chance of rain in the forecast, so we opted for something indoors. And since Adrien's obsessed with fish, we thought we'd do an aquarium. Being such cheap skates, we opted for the $4/person aquarium here in town, as opposed to the $20/person one. I just figured it was cheap because it's owned by the zoo. No. No such luck. It was one room. With dimly lit tanks. They didn't even have all the tanks filled with fish. A good percentage of the tanks had "temporarily out of exhibit" signs on them. To top it off, half way through our little walk around the room, a huge group of high school kids came in and it was just too loud and crowded to enjoy what there was to see. Adrien did like the clown fish though. He got a kick out of Nemo.

After that we had lunch at Whataburger. Mmmmm. Their onion rings are phenomenal. Seriously, lunch was way better than the aquarium. After Adrien's nap we went out and picked up some stuff for his birthday party. Remind me why these things cost so much? It'll be fun though, so it will be worth it. I had to send reminder evites out today asking people to please not respond with a "maybe". We had a total of 17 people (counting adults and children) on the "maybe" list. That's just too big a margin. I need to know whether to have 10 favor bags and cupcakes or 20. I mean, there's a big difference there. So as it stands now, there actually aren't many kids coming to the party. But I'm totally cool with that because Adrien will get more time in the bounce house. We topped the day off with dinner at Olive Garden. Does it get any better than soup, salad and breadsticks? I think not.

My Mom didn't even call to tell Adrien happy birthday today. Well, she called...at 9:15 tonight. She was totally going to call earlier, but you know. It's all about her and how hectic her day was. She just had one of those days. Just ask her. Oh wait, you won't have to ask her, because she'd tell you before you even knew what hit you. She's one of those people. I actually think I might do a blog series about her this week...you know, with Mother's Day coming up and all. I've had some real peeves I want to blow off about my family lately. I think that might help. Oh, and my Mom just hopes that this is allergies she's getting...after all she'd just hate to miss Adrien's party on Saturday. But that's her -- always sick at the most convenient of times.

There were some positives today though. We were sorting some stuff at the house today during Adrien's nap and I found a box of souvenirs a friend had bought be a long time ago while he was deployed (yes, I'm speaking the military lingo). I've always collected foreign currency -- but mainly the coinage. He'd apparently seen it fit to get me nearly every bill available in Australia. I had a 100 AUD, 50 AUD, 20 AUD, 10 AUD and a 5 AUD. I checked the exchanged rate and took it to the bank. I made out really well! That was really nice of him! I mean, little does he know, but he's buying the new baby some stuff. Thanks, dude! Adrien had a good day, so that was good. He doesn't really know the extent of suckage caused by the aquarium trip. We also went to Target today, where I found a plethora or Mother's Day gifts for my Mom on the cheap side. I heart the dollar spot! She loves gardening, so I got her a spade, one of those three pronged hoe things, a set of garden gloves, a sun visor, shears, a matt for her knees and a package of "butterfly garden" seeds for just a few bucks. She better like it. But who knows, with her. Oh, and did I mention all the stuff matches? It's all color coordinated. If you haven't gotten your Mom anything yet, I'd say to check out the dollar crap at Target. I mean, what've you got to lose? Not money! You get a bunch of cheap stuff and throw it into a nice little basket, and SHAZAM! it looks fancy.