Tuesday, July 29, 2008

The wonderful smell of motherhood

The boys are both napping again today. At the same time. Please bitch slap me and tell me not to get too used to it. Really, it's not luck. It's just the fact that Jude's still in his whole Eat-poop-sleep-poop-sleep-eat-eat-eat-sleep-sleep-poop-sleep stage. You know, that stage where a good 10 minutes nursing session is all that's really needed to conk them right out. I mean, I'd be tired too if I had to suck on my boobs. It seems labor-intensive and all.

The most challenging part about this whole I'm-so-new-at-being-the-mother-of-two-at-once thing is that I hate feeling that I can't give them both my all, all at the same time. Logistically I can't be at Adrien's every beck and call while breastfeeding Jude every 2 hours. I mean, I've tried, really. But it's so dang hard on the shoulders. [Hunching over in the floor with a 9 pound newborn attached to your nipple to push some Hot Wheels around is no small feat.] I also feel guilty for cuddling with Jude because that means (most of the time) that I can't cuddle with Adrien at that moment...either for fear that Adrien will squash the little guy, or just because Adrien doesn't want to. And yet, at the same time, I feel a little guilty for not being able to pay Jude the same amount of one-on-one attention that Adrien got when he was a newborn.

I know, I know. It's all normal, and it will pan out. I'll get used to the swing of things and Adrien will too...Jude will never know that he missed anything. I know. But still. That mothering guilt again.

So here I sit, covered from head to toe in breast milk residue and probably wreaking of a million different stenches...both boys are napping. I really should be bathing.

It just seems like such a waste of personal time.

3 comments:

E is Me said...

Wow...I couldn't have said it better!! I feel your pain...really I do!!

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

And as trying as it is, you will look back and miss the days when they were both little!

But not too much!

Kelly said...

Cherish this momnet because in a blink they both will be all grown..sounds cheesy I know, but I swear it was yesterday I was breastfeeding Jack..
Glad to have you back!
The quake really freaked out Lily..I mean really, tears and all. She slept in my room becasue she is terrified the world will fall apart. Its really sad.