Monday, November 19, 2007

My binky.

We had decided it was time for Adrien to give up the binky. I don't mind him having it. I mind the looks people give Adrien. I mind the people who are playing with him and take it out of his mouth and say "You don't need that" to him. I mind all of that. He doesn't need it all of the time. Bedtimes are just easier with it in, and sometimes, he likes to take it while watching telly or playing...but generally that's just when he's crabby. Like now. He's got three canines cutting at once. Crabby. Who wouldn't be?

But nevertheless, Andi and I had about decided it was time. Last week sometime, there were about two days in a row where Adrien didn't even want it when asked if he wanted it. Needless to say, naptimes and bedtimes were rough. He generally goes to sleep relatively peacefully. He falls asleep in the middle of playing, for the most part, or settles in to watch some telly and conks out. But not without the binky. Without the binky, he'd lay down and fall asleep in a furious fit, thrashing about and whining the entire time. I wanted the binky back. He did not, apparently.

I gave him a few days. He wanted it again.

Yesterday, Adrien was hitting and pinching me. I suppose Andi was trying to teach him not to do those things, and seeing as it was around naptime and Adrien had his binky, Andi took it away as a punishment. Adrien didn't understand why Andi was taking his binky. I mean, his attention span is so short. He understands when you scold him and say "we don't hit" (not that it means he won't do it again, he just understands that what he was doing at that moment was wrong). Adrien does not, however, put two and two together when a binky is taken away for doing wrong. He doesn't get it.

So Andi took the binky and Adrien started to cry...hysterically. I had words with Andi over it and he insisted that Adrien doesn't need it any more -- that he's a big boy. He refuted the fact that he'd taken it as punishment. He did take it away as punishment. Andi looked at me like I was crazy when I tried to explain that Adrien didn't understand that the binky was taken as punishment. I mean, what does a binky have to do with hitting or pinching? Nothing. Especially not to a 18 month old. And anyway, who decides to suddenly make Adrien a "big boy" when he was already upset for being scolded about hitting and pinching?

I know at this point I'm getting hard to follow. But try to picture the scene.

Adrien hits and pinches me repeatedly...thinking it's great fun. Andi has enough, as Adrien is not listening to me when I ask him to stop. Andi says something in a rather firm tone to Adrien to the effect of We don't hit and pinch. Adrien gets upset from the firmness (to be expected). Andi then takes his binky mid-cry because in Andi's eyes, Adrien is just crying because he wants to hit.

We all know this is how our husband's mind works.

Andi puts the binky away, out of Adrien's reach. He's crying hysterically, pointing. His feelings were very hurt by it. I had my words with Andi, and as I'm on Adrien's side with this, I get the binky back, give it to Adrien, and cuddle him.

At this point I was near tears and very angry at Andi. Why was I angry at Andi? I told him. I told him it was stupid to take the binky away as punishment...and that he didn't understand why it was taken, blah blah blah. And in the midst, I really did start crying. I was crying because I want Adrien to have it. It's the last little thing that ties him to babyhood. He's growing up so fast. He walked early. He's so independent. I just want the one thing that still makes him a baby. I want him to have his freaking binky...and I don't give a damn what other people think. It's cute for kids to suck their thumbs (not to me), but it's not okay for binkies? I mean, he won't be four and still have it. I will take it eventually. But he still needs it now. I guess I need it now. And it ticks me off when people take it from him. I feel like they're taking something from me: my baby.

So, I have to ask myself, is it his binky -- or mine?


Rantings by a Middle Aged Drama Queen said...

It is hard to let go of "childhood". It is easier for me to let go of paij because I have a dog (who is my everlasting baby) but it still hurts me to see her NOT depend on me. The other day I told my husband all I am here for is to referee and cook! Keep that binkie girl! :)

Veggie Mama said...

Q never was a thumb-sucker and REFUSED a binkie. He talked early and often (and articulately). He walked at an average time, but really the only thing keeping him a baby once he learned to walk without his arms stuck in front of him like Frankenstein's monster was his hair. And every time he gets his hair cut, I want to cry, because it takes away that soft baby look and makes him look like such a big boy. I'll have another baby soon, but I'm still missing "my baby."

OHmommy said...

I still can't get get rid of my son
's Thomas toys and board books. He's 5.

Good post!

Missy said...

My Mom never let us ever have a binkie.....but my sister sucked her thumb well into first grade and I still have my blankie stored away.

As I am not a mom myself I cannot say I know what you are feeling, but I can understand how it might feel! I am not sure what I would do...thinking about being the mommy sort of makes me want my blankie!

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

Josh had his binky (dummy) until he was 3 and he gave it up on his own.

Don't worry about "what other people think" -- I know it's easier said than done, but he's fine.

Some kids need to suck and Adrien may be like that. It's cool.

My cousin has 3 boys and when I was fretting over Josh having his dummy still at 2 she said something that totally made me feel better.

They took the binky away when her oldest was 18-20 months-ish and she said he has major issues with dealing with stress (he was 6 at the time) -- she said he chews his nails, fidgets and does all sorts of stuff that her younger two don't do. She puts it down to the binky and taking it away too early. Her middle child gave it up at 4 and copes with stress much better.

Getting back to me... Josh gave his up at 3 (about 2 weeks after his birthday) and he did it on his own. He does have some issues (chews his nails and shirts and licks his fingers). Sam was never attached and gave it up at 12 months on his own.

All kids are different. Don't stress! Let him be a baby a little longer.

I hope this makes sense... I'm incredibly tired and tend to ramble!

Kelly said...

Happy Thanksgiving!