Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Disproportionately Pregnant

We went to the mall today. It was time for the play group's monthly birthday party. Yay.

So we had play time for a while, and then I believe I was the first to head up to the food court to eat. Why? Because my 19 month old was having a melt down because he wanted to run out of the play area and into the photo booth to play with all the buttons. I generally oblige him, but today he was particularly interested in wrapping himself up in the curtain that covers the doorway. Funny at first. Then gross. My mind was swirling with all of the bodily fluids that could be lurking about. I mean, come on. It doesn't take a fiction writer to imagine what could possibly go on in one of those little boxes, let alone the filth that can (and does) accumulate on the fabric of that curtain. I'm sure it's never been washed. So, ick. Ugh. Gross. Barf. Gag. Pull the toddler out ASAP while kicking, screaming, and limp body-going occurs. I carted him back to the play area, where he commenced to a full blown tantrum (complete with real tears and red face) face down on the floor. Somehow I managed to calm him down enough to get him strapped into the stroller so we could go eat. Maybe it was the french fry bribe. Not sure. But at that moment, I'd use any bribe to distract him from his crying frenzy. Mean, mean, Mommy.

After eating some Chik-fil-a and a chocolate cupcake with a boat load of yellow icing (which covered Adrien completely), a friend and I walked around the mall for a little while. We both went in to the maternity store, where she went about trying on eight billion shirts, only to discover that they are all entirely too long. For some reason, all of the shirts seem to completely cover your butt. When the associate asked if she could help my friend, my friend shared her dilemma, only to have the associate respond with "Well, they're made to cover your belly." Well, yes, yes, they are. How observant Miss Associate. But explain to me why you need an extra foot of fabric in the back to cover something in the front. I went to school for fashion design and I still don't get the tailoring of it. But seriously, every single shirt in the place was like that. Why?

A dilemma I have with maternity clothes is pants length. I'm a fairly tall person -- but not overly so. I'm only about 5'9'' or so. I have a problem with pants length even when I'm not pregnant, but I think for some reason, designers and companies must think you shrink a few inches when you conceive. I start out wearing a size "small" pants at the beginning of pregnancy. Since most maternity stores do not offer pants in numbered sizes, I get lumped in with the smalls -- even though I could generally use a medium, they all bag and sort of fall off. Somewhere along the lines, in getting lumped in as a small, I guess someone decided that since you're small in width, you're also small in length. So I get stuck with pants that fit my booty like no tomorrow -- but I'm floodin' up a storm down below. I'm not talking a little short. I'm talking a good five inches or so in some cases. It just really bothers me. I mean, just because I'm relatively thin, doesn't mean I'm short. And who decided that all thin people are short and that all tall people are heavier? It just makes zero sense.

So I guess all pregnant women are stuck with pants that are too short and shirts that are too long. I mean, we're pregnant -- not deformed.

3 comments:

OHmommy said...

So true, so true. How quickly one forgets - I mean I was pregnant only 9 months ago. We probably forget on purpose - those clothes stink!

Rantings by a Middle Aged Drama Queen said...

Well I am plus size and I have a problem that designers think all plus size womens boobs are a size triple f! I mean some of us have normal boobs still! We just like a bigger shirt! :) I know your size and you can wear "normal" clothes just a size larger when u start showing!

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

First off -- 5'9" Not too tall? hm -- that's tall to me!

I'm 5'5" -- which I think is fairly AVERAGE. I'm not short and I'm not tall. Everything is too long. Petites are too short and regualars are about 3-5 inches too long.

Seriously. I don't understand clothes sizes. And why can't women get free tailoring like men? Why? Why?