Tuesday, October 23, 2007

The Pregnancy Police

Fuck.

Well, I mean, fuckin' a, man. Ya know? I think I'm getting better and then it all goes down the fucking shitter.

Am I the fucking pregnancy police or something? I mean, have the balls to tell me yourself. I'm not that horrible of a person am I? I understand completely, I mean, I wouldn't want to face me either: horrible bitch that I am. But come on. Have some sympathy and don't send someone else to do it. I thought the two of us were better off than that.

And then...

And then, when I thought it was all over and I was better, yet someone else in my life is carrying the spawn of their fucking husband. Someone with actual fertility problems. Not that I'm not happy. I can take that. I get that you are appreciative of your situation. You do not tread lightly with your current situation. Having lost a child before, you know full well it was fragile territory to let me in on your little 5 week secret. And at least I heard it from your mouth.

I just don't get how some people are pregnant with their third kid and whine about it...can hardly drag themselves out of the house. I mean, you know you're fucking fertile, woman! God damn it, just keep your legs together if you didn't want to have your third so fucking close to the last fat piece of baby you shot of your vagina. Don't cry about it to me. Do not pretend to come up to me and in hushed tones say "I'm pregnant" and expect me to share your surprise. Why the fuck are you surprised anyway? I mean, no birth control, three kids later...you know you're fertile! I'm not really a friend to you anyway, so I could have done without it. Anger was there. Sure, I wanted to slap you for whining to me about pregnancy like two weeks after I was forced to flush my beautiful baby down multiple toilets and have intra-uterine probes pushed around my vagina all day just to tell me that I wasn't lucky enough to have a viable pregnancy. But, like I said, I'm fine with that. I'm over it. I don't see you constantly. And your post on our message board about borrowing maternity clothes? I could have done with that too. But I can see where you're coming from with the "I've had the same clothes for three pregnancies now, and I'm tired of wearing the same thing" bit. I get that: but come on. Are ya' fucking serious? It is not a tragedy that you're pregnant. Be happy that you are able.

So I guess that's it. I have a friend who can't say it to my face, because apparently I'm a bitch and I don't deserve to hear it from her own mouth. I have a friend who tells me but is afraid I'll hate her (which I don't, more just that I'm upset she thought I'd be pissed off), and then I know countless others who are all magically with effin' child.

Everyone's fucking pregnant.
Don't tell the pregnancy police! For God's sake! She's not stable and she's mean and bitchy, and oh poor her, she had a fucking miscarriage. She can't deal. Shhhhhh. I do have some level of poise. Give me fucking credit.

12 comments:

Mimi aka pz5wjj said...

Been there. Sucks the big wazoo.

And what's worse is the platitudes... "oh, it was for the best..." "It will happen again...."

And I hate the pussyfooting around too. "Don't tell Mimi, she'll be upset..." Puhleez!

Gimme a break! Just say, "Man that blows... go buy an ice cream and drink a bottle of wine and drown your sorrows...."

Momof3 said...

Have you considered seeing a shrink to deal with your anger?
I understand your anger but it seems unhealthy.

B said...

Unhealthy?

You've obviously never had a miscarriage. If you have, you must be a member of the Partridge family.

Anger is normal. Some feel more angry than I.

But this is my only outlet and spot to vent. I make no apologies for bitch factor or anger level in my posts.

I just say with too many people think but never utter or type aloud.

I am good at dealing with my anger.

But I assure you, it's not unhealthy.

B said...

Oh, also.

The word "shrink" is not the kindest of words.

I've seen them before. Frankly, they're a load of bollocks.

B said...

...and happy pills fix chemical imbalances...not emotional problems.

Sane Elaine said...

I don't think you are a 'horrible bitch'! The reason I didn't tell you face to face was because the morning after my + sign on my pee stick showed up, you were going on about how you hated pregnant people. How you wished them all 'horrible morning sickness' and that 'we shouldn't let any more pregnant moms in our group'.

I am sorry - I was planning to tell you in person but I didn't want you to have to pretend to be happy for me. I didn't want you to get upset. I wasn't sure what your reaction would be so I chickened out! I have never been in your situation and someone who had been said maybe it would easier to hear it from them. That way you could be upset if you needed to be when you heard the news. You could go off wishing me horrible morning sickness or whatever and that would be perfectly fine.

I really am sorry..... but I didn't know how to tell you so I took the easy way out. I thought that might be easier on us both - I was obviously wrong.

Stella and Thomas said...

Hey b-

I think momof3 is just trying to get under your skin. Your blog is for you and an expression of you. You are many things...express them. Ignore momof3 ...she is the unhealthly one with the obsession of your blog.

Post on!

Momof3 said...

Sorry for not using the right termonology. And, no I have never had a miscarriage. I am one of those awful women who got pregnant easily everytime.
You seem to have a lot of anger about lots of things. Read your non-pregnancy posts. They carry a certain venom.
Maybe this shouldn't be your only outlet. I am just trying to be helpful.

Rantings by a Middle Aged Drama Queen said...

girl ignore mom of 3! She is rude. You are allowed to write what the hell you want it is your blog. If sane elaine understands then screw mom of 3!

piper of love said...

Tag! You're it!

E said...

Wow. All I can say is wow. I really was nervous about telling you because I WAS DEVISTATED WHEN OTHERS TOLD ME AFTER MY MISCARRIAGE. It was obviously wrong of me to assume you would feel the same way I did. I am sorry. However, I did want to tell you because you shared your pregnancy early on with me and I felt I shared some of your pain with your loss too. I didn't want you to find out from someone else and I didn't want to lie. I am very sorry that I "pissed you off" by thinking you may be upset. I was trying to tread lightly as I wished others would have with me back then.

I am sorry. I did not want to open a wound again that has obviously not heeled and probably never will. Mine still has not.

Farrah said...

People who have never experienced the loss of a child will NEVER understand the special kind of pain that is. I don't care if that child is in utero or 10yrs. old, the pain is so far reaching. I lost my first son when he was three days old. It is not the simple mourning of the child. I mean it is, but it is so much more. It is mourning being able to mother that child and all the experiences that you had anticipated having with him or her. There are the questions and the guilt and the doubts of if God will ever bless you with another child again. Then for your friends to be pregnant, no matter how they tell you, is like rubbing salt on a wound that will probably never go away.

My son died three years ago and I can close my eyes and go right back there. It is fresh and painful. I have another child now but that doesn't take away the pain of losing my first.

Your friends may not have handled it well, but you can't totally lay that on them. No one is sure of what the right way is. It doesn't mean they think you're a bitch or that you would hate them. It probably just means they didn't know how to do it.

I know the anger you feel. I have felt it and still do when someone gets pregnant without thought or makes a mountain out of what seems to me a mole-hill. "You wouldn't complain about that if you had been through what I have!" I say to myself. Child-bearing is so much more complicated for me, and sounds like for you too. But, we can't blame our friends for that. All we can do is try to be honest about what we need from them or how we feel. If that makes them uncomfortable, they need to buck up and be your friend how you need them to be. Give them a little grace but don't shy away from telling them what you need in order to be cared for. You need to be cared for. We all do.

I think your anger is normal, no matter what people say. You have been through something that would cause anger in the gentlest of people. You are not a bitch, or alone in your pain.