Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sick and tired: literally and figuratively.

So...I've been severely slacking in updating lately. I know. And I'm sorry. I have blogger's guilt.

I spent the entire weekend and all of yesterday feeling total crap. No, that's wrong...feeling like death itself. Andi and I went to some friend's apartment to grill out on Friday night, and as such I ate a big fat steak. Ew. Yes, I know. But everyone else was doing it -- why couldn't I? So I did. Anyway, early Saturday morning sometime I woke up feeling really nauseous and achy. But it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I feel nauseous most of the time. Achy is my middle name. Later that morning I woke up and subsequently made the toilet my home for the weekend. To make matters worse, Andi was at a web design conference all day Saturday, so I had no help whatsoever wrangling the little guy (monster). I wasn't able to eat all day. Sunday I felt even more terrible, but I still had to get up and make deserts (banana pudding and peach cobbler) for the Presbyterian Women's Retreat Planning Committee Potato Luncheon Fundraiser. Any other time, I realize it may be a bad decision to cook for the masses while feeling ill. I mean, who wants to get everyone sick? I really don't think I had a virus though. I think it was just my good ol' gallbladder acting up on me. Sure, my doctor mentions once "We should really think about having it removed..." And that was the extent of the thinking. I obviously still have it. I knew I was long over-due for an episode. It'd been a good four months or so since my last bout of toilet hugging. Generally I get them every two months or so...If not more.

Alas, yesterday I was finally able to start eating some solids without them coming back up again.

Now Adrien's sick. I noticed he was wheezy on Sunday. It hasn't gotten any better. His nose is runny...nasty green goo. So he has an appointment first thing in the morning. Generally I'm not one to run straight to the doc for this sort of thing unless I suspect ear infection...but he can't breath well. His Xopenex (or whatever for his breathing treatment) is not working. On top of it, I know he must be feeling under the weather. He layed down for a nap today at 10am. That's unheard of. Yesterday he took a short nap at 11, and then another 2 1/2 hour nap around 4pmish. He hasn't taken two naps a day in I don't know how long. Poor baby.

All of this, and oh darn: I was supposed to leave to go to my mom's house today. Tomorrow is her birthday, and a mutual friend of ours gave her the grand notion of: well why doesn't Bryany come to see you on your birthday? I mean you go to see her on her birthday all the time! Thanks. A lot. Now I've gotta drive four hours to stay at my grandfather's house with his new wife (who I'm sure means well, but is all in all odd and homely). Not to mention the fact that I've gotta drive four hours with a toddler in the back seat, most likely screaming the entire way. But -- great sigh of relief -- we've been sick. So, for now, our embarkation is saved for later. Depending on what the doctor says about Adrien's condition in the morning, possibly saved for much later. I do kind of want to see my Mom on her birthday though. Oh well. That's life.

As I'm guzzling Gatorade and Ginger Ale, I'm thinking of all the things I need to get done today. My husband's contacts need to be picked up from the optometrist's office. I need to deposit some checks into our accounts. I need to get my Mom a birthday present. So many things, and I don't feel like doing any of them. I have to though. I've been out of commission since Saturday and have merely been living from couch to toilet and back for so long that everything is a jumble. The kitchen is in shambles. There are mountains of unfolded (yet clean) laundry on my bed. There are toys everywhere. Bits and pieces of life strewn about waiting to be tidied up. Yet, I still feel slightly like crap. I guess not eating for three days takes its toll on you. Woman was not meant to live on Gatorade and Ginger Ale alone. I really need to see the doctor about this problem (and others), but It's such a pain to go to the doctor with Adrien. He runs around and messes with all the magazines and periodicals and touches everything and gets God-knows-what on his little paws. Germs. Everywhere. Not to mention the fact that he really loves the trash cans they have at doctor's offices. You know, the ones where you step on the lever and the top pops up. Absolutely fascinating.

Then, there's Andi. I feel like he's so distant lately. I don't know what the deal is. After spending most of our vacation (I know, still yet to be blogged about) at his parent's house, I just feel like we're two separate people living in the same space. No cuddling. No kissing. No sweet nothings. No nothing. Nothing. I am so lonely. When I confronted him about it last night his excuse -- at first -- was that I'd been sick. It was something like this:

You've been sick.

I've been sick since Saturday.

Okay, well before that you were on your period.

It's been a lot longer than that. I'm lonely. You don't cuddle with me. You don't make out with me. I don't feel like I'm loved.

Ugh.

I mean, I know you love me. I just don't feel that way.

I don't know. I just haven't been in the mood for anything lately.

Okay, my husband not being in the mood for sex is like a polygamist not wanting another wife. It's unheard of. And it's not just sex I'm talking about. I mean, I could soooo do without that. It's not sex that I'm wanting. I'm wanting him to want to be in the same room with me longer than 10 minutes without finding the need to balance the checkbook or check his email...or work on one of his many websites. Even more frustrating: mow the lawn. I mean, is it really more fun to want to mow the lawn than it is to spend like fifteen minutes with me. And I'm not talking about spending time as in you sit zoned out in front of the The Simpsons after work while I cook in the kitchen or run around after Adrien. I'm not talking spending time as in, me being mommy and you in the office working on your websites. That is not spending time. Would it kill you, say, if you just sat on the same couch as me -- as opposed to the loveseat when I'm on the couch? Or the floor when I'm on the loveseat. What about giving me a real hug and kiss when you get home from work. I get so freakin' sick and tired of you coming home, going straight to the bathroom, then out to kinda say hi to Adrien, then to check the mail, and then to the TV...me to the kitchen. I'm so tired of it! Because after that, we play the wait for Adrien to go to bed game, and by the time that's over it's nearly time for us to go to sleep. Then we do go to sleep, we get up, and do the whole charade over again. I'm sick and tired of being lonely. I need all that crap. And I'm sooooo sorry if your job is stressful. Do you think mine isn't? Do you think giving yourself to other people all day long all week long isn't a stress? Well it is. I don't care! I know your job is stressful....It's corporate: It sucks, okay. But you didn't promise to love me until your job got stressful, did you? I didn't think so. You promised to love me forever. Where's the freakin' love at? Because if you don't give me some, I think I'm going to have a meltdown.

Sorry about that, guys. He does occasionally read it. Maybe he'll get the hint.

4 comments:

Sane Elaine said...

Date night needed here! I'll watch the munchkin & you two go have a night to yourselves. Don't worry girl - guys just forget that we need some attention, too. It will get better I promise!

Kelly said...

Wow, sorry you've been so sick. It is horrible to be sick and have to care for a child, when all you really want to do is soak in a hot bath and lay on the couch watching trashy crap on the tube. (I do anyway!)
I so relate to your post. Justin has a stressful job, being a manager of a heat/air company. When he comes home, he greets the kids with hugs and kisses, grabs my butt or another body part. Then off the the bedroom, changes out of work clothes. Play w/ kids til I put some food on the supper table..then play with them a little bit more..and then literally disappears onto the computer to play some stupid game. i hate video games. no..dispise them. Loathe them. Ocassionally he'll turn around and see whats going on, but then goes into his little gaming world. I feel totally alone..even though I'm not..kids running around..cat tearing through the house..etc. I so, so understand. Sorry for the lavish post..I could go on and on..haha

Farrah said...

Amen...
It is amazing how we can have so much going on around us and feel so alone. I think husbands get complacent, too comfortable. Kids demand attention, dogs (especially beagles!)demand attention. Wives don't always demand it, but we need it no less than those that do. I think we(at least I)too often wait for the husband to read our minds or our signals or to intuitively know what to do to make us feel loved. I don't know about you, but I would have to wait a very long time if I was waiting for that. We have to start by telling them what we need, very directly, and maybe eventually they will catch on. If our beagles can be trained, I think our husbands can be too. :) Hang in there.

Rantings by a Middle Aged Drama Queen said...

men are slow learners!!!! They have to have step by step instructions (take out trash, pick up socks). My man thinks romance like kelly said is grabbing my butt or other parts :) and I should be good w/ that! My husband doesn't even pay that much attention to my kids cause he is to worried about his game or if his getting some tonight! So, do like elaine(I know who u are :) said and go for date night, or even you can have date night after adrien goes to bed. Make some desert, watch a movie, get cozy..........