Completely Humiliating Phase

Okay, so Piper over at Bliss in Bloom posted a humiliating big hair pic [It's okay, Piper, I'm sure those bangs were all the rage -- with a big can of Rave].

Well, I'm too young to have experienced the big hair movement...although I did rock some killer bangs in elementary school. I don't have any big hair pics handy. I do, however, have this lovely pic. It's straight from my I'm gonna wear all black and listen to dark music period. You know...everyone else was doing it, why not me?

I actually don't find this picture that humiliating. I can still identify with the girl in the picture. What I don't get, however, is why my life's ambition ever involved being a roadie for some rock band. I would have taken the roll of groupie too.

So here I am...at some obnoxious rock festival. I was 16 in this picture.

Yes those are tiny camo shorts (with fishnets underneath of course) and yes, my eyes are actually open -- I just have too much black make up on them to tell.




I did, however, manage to score Ginger Fish's autograph at this concert.

And, by the by -- my necklace says "Fuck you". Just in case you were wondering.

I was such a happy girl.

Okay, so: Lots and lots of Snot...and shite

I haven't posted: the boys were sick with a cold for a while. I think I saw every color of snot known to man...and it call came out of my kids' noses. I think I've also seen every color shite known to man...and it's all come out of my newborn's bum.

On top of battling the common cold -- in August -- I've been dealing with a newborn who cries nearly every second of the day when not asleep. We've been wondering if food allergies are to blame. Is it dairy? Is it gluten? Could it be corn? Maybe it's tomatoes. Oh, I know...I'll just not eat anything and see how that works out. I think he may be allergic to air.

But this entire time, trying as it is, I've had this hymn stuck in my head. So I'm going to post it. Maybe it can be your light at the end of whatever tunnel you're stuck in.

It's a beautiful Irish hymn...and I adore it. If you can, try to find an audio version and listen.

But, for now, let the words be your rock.

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart,
be all else but naught to me, save that thou art;
be thou my best thought in the day and the night,
both waking and sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, be thou my true word,
be thou ever with me, and I with thee Lord;
be thou my great Father, and I thy true son;
be thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Be thou my breastplate, my sword for the fight;
be thou my whole armor, be thou my true might;
be thou my soul's shelter, be thou my strong tower:
O raise thou me heavenward, great Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise:
be thou mine inheritance now and always;
be thou and thou only the first in my heart;
O Sovereign of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, thou heaven's bright sun,
O grant me its joys after victory is won;
great Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
still be thou my vision, O Ruler of all.

Words: Ancient Irish hymn;
trans. Mary Byrne, 1905, and versified by Eleanor Hull, 1912

The muffin binge

I had some friends come by today. One of them brought (milk free) muffins.

Yesterday, I practically starved to death. Elimination dieting is torture. I just have to say that. This is what I consumed yesterday:

Breakfast: a rice cake and a pear

Lunch: short grain brown rice with sauteed squash and zucchini...with just salt and pepper (and some olive oil).

I decided to let myself have a banana. I mean, what's a banana going to do?

Dinner: Baked sweet potato, like two tiny pieces of chicken, more rice with squash and zucchini.

Later that night...even more rice with squash and zucchini.

I was soooooooo stinking hungry! I mean, really. Look what I had for dinner...while my husband had taco salad. Complete with grated cheese. GRATED CHEESE!!!

So today, when my friends showed up with milk free muffins, I ate like four of them. And let me tell you -- they're the best dang muffins ever. I have more, too.

I'll go back to eliminating tomorrow.

But good gracious, Momma needs to eat, and if I have to look at any more rice, I'm going to vomit.

Not-so Wordless Wednesday

Once you've looked at today's Wordless Wednesday, read this post...which is obviously not-so wordless.

This past weekend Andi and I decided we were equally sick of the city, so we set out for the in-laws...who, by chance, live in the sticks. It was great. We really wish we lived closer to family. But Andi's profession (and mine -- if I ever go back to it) maintain a close distance to city. We're looking at ways to change that though. More on that later.

Tomorrow I start a very exciting elimination diet. What's an elimination diet? you may ask. Well let me explain. (or you can let Dr. Sears explain) For the next few weeks I'll be eating nothing but rice, rice products, pears, yellow summer squash, zucchini, sweet potatoes and chicken, turkey and pork (I added the pork and chicken in myself -- I don't eat mutton). I'll consume no milk products, nor will I consume any gluten. I'll take in nothing but water, as I couldn't find the prescribed pear juice at the store. After about two weeks time, I'll get to add one new and exciting food (such as GASP! carrots) every four days.

And why am I putting myself through this? No, I'm not on some exciting new fad crash diet. I'm eliminating allergens. Something is making Jude cranky and possibly sick. He's only happy (for the most part) when being held, rocked, or worn in the wrap. He's had terrible diaper rash off and on since he was born. And he's got a rash on his face, although a call to the doctor reassured me that it was most likely just baby acne. Often when he nurses, he screams and pulls away, but acts like he wants to eat more. I know he's still hungry, but I feel like he's in pain. So I've got to find out what's making my poor baby so upset. I suspect milk...but it could be gluten (I'm a huge bread addict, and that would suck). So, this should be a very exciting venture. If nothing else, I'm sure to loose a few more pounds. And despite all the crankiness, he's still sleeping decently at night...only waking to eat every 3-4 hours, nursing, and returning back to sleep promptly. He does have some nights that aren't so easy (like the night I ate nachos for dinner -- he was up every hour all night), but all in all, I think I've got it relatively easy in that department. Now if I could just make him happy during the day.

Speaking of losing weight, I weighed myself at a friend's house yesterday. We don't own a scale for various obsessive reasons. I'm happy to report that I've lost about 30 pounds total so far!!! That's pretty good considering I just had him on the 14th of July. I've only got 25 pounds left to lose! I'm in no rush though. I'm pretty sure consisting solely on rice products will take care of that last bit.

Wish me luck. And drink something exciting for me. Water...Meh.

Wordless Wednesday: Swaddled

Cannibalism, party of two [year old]

Ohmyfuckinggoodness.

Today, all I needed, was for my two year old to take a nap. I freaking needed my kid to take a nap like a chain smoker needs another cigarette. I mean, I really needed it. You know, that primal need. Sort of like the same thing that drives a lion to eat meat...ya'. That's the need. That same thing that drives the lion to go kill an antelope was about to push me over the mommy edge and straight into spanking land. Something about a two year old telling you "No, Night night!"

I resisted though. And I resorted to bribery instead. I told him if he went to sleep, Daddy would be home when he woke up. I'm probably lying...unless my husband gets off unusually early, or he sleeps for a long time.

But seriously. I really didn't think either of us would survive. Some days, I really do understand why some species eat their own young.

Momma, Find kee-kee too

I had to take Jude to the hospital today for some sort of State Newborn Screen. Apparently this is his second one [where was the first one? Hopsital?]. So off I went with a two year old and newborn. To the hospital. To wait. Wait. Wait.


There was this though: While waiting in the lobby to get called back for our paperwork, Adrien spotted the Starbucks kiosk and the cookies therein. Had to have a cookie. He insisted upon screaming and whining at me that he had "Momma, Find kee-kee too" (he now puts the word to or too at the end of every sentence, whether it belongs there or not, and whether or not that's the proper place for it. Yay for prepositions. Is that a preposition? I went to art school...} I reassured him that yes, you found the cookies, but you don't need one. Man, I really wanted one. They looked good. What I really wanted was some sort of hot caffeinated beverage to go with the kee-kee...but alas, I didn't need that either. We finally got called back to admissions. The kee-kees were out of sight. Some scrawny old lady, who really seemed nice enough, did all my paperwork. Zillions of papers to sign. All so they can prick my baby's heel and squeeze the blood out until he screams so much, he stops screaming at all. I hate that, man.

Waiting wasn't too bad though. It's times like these that you park the stroller in front of the television in the waiting room and hope your kid likes soap operas. He didn't. He did, however, like using a pen [stolen from admissions] to color all over himself -- and punch holes in the piece of paper that has the privacy practice policy on it. It was great fun, and at the end of the day I didn't have to put up with too much screaming and I got a tattooed toddler out of it. When we got called into the lab for the blood work, the nurse made mention of Adrien's self doodling. Before she could show too much disdain, I reassured her that it kept him quiet.

Then they all marveled as I unfurled this and out came a baby. People are so fascinated by fabric.